Generosity

I am generally an extremely generous person. I think it gets me in trouble a lot because I tend to get used...A LOT.

A friend of mine recently implied that I'm generous in an attempt to "buy friends" but I don't think so. There are plenty of people that I am friendly with and later become generous with, but its not like I start out being generous.

My family likes me whether I'm generous or not. My sister answers the phone whether I'm rich or poor....

There are definitely people who use my generosity and there are tons of people who only call when they need a buck, but those people are easily avoided...usually.

Regardless, I don't feel that I use my generosity to buy friends. I also think that being upset because someone abuses your generosity doesn't mean you're upset that they weren't able to be bought. I think its perfectly fine to say "Hey I have been more than generous with you, you'd think you could be a better friend to me".

For instance, I am both generous with my money and my time. I had a friend that I was extremely generous with both time and money and when I needed her the most, she bailed so fast it made my head spin. Being upset that someone you have treated well treats you poorly in return is not being upset that they couldn't be bought, its being upset that they are mistreating you when you've been nothing but kind and generous to them.

....

Anyway, I see some of the same traits developing in Audrial and it worries me. I don't want her to experience the pain I feel when someone I've been so kind to mistreats me. I also don't want her to miss out on the feeling that being generous gives. sigh...

Some Tunes

Thought I might share some random tunes with all ya'll people who actually read my blog lol. Both of these tunes are by Garrison Starr - http://www.garrisonstarr.com/

The Girl That Killed September

if I needed you tonight
to tell me it’s alright
would you call

I want to tell you I’m afraid
to see myself this way
about to fall in

and I’m needing you to know this
I’m just too unfocused when you don’t come around
I’m afraid of all my weakness
you know where I keep it
and you bring me back around

if I needed you tonight
to come and hold me tight
would you please

I want to tell you I’m afraid
of how much I crave the taste
of you next to me


and


Goldrush Heart

on the day her daddy said
“girl I wanna be like you”
all she answered back was “yeah, I know you do”
shit like that would break a normal girl in half
she just pushed her hair back and she laughed

and there she was
and there she was again

a girl so soft, so sad, so true
you never thought she could be into you
but here you are
and there she is
and the night gets lost in a lonesome kiss

and there she was
and there she was again

I never wanted to feel that kind of love again
the kind that boils inside your mind
the kind that burns right through your skin
I never wanted to feel that kind of love again
but lord knows….
I’m way too good at giving in