Who are you?

It occurs to me that despite posting relatively private things about myself online, people actually know very little about me.

 

I don't really know if many people that actually do know me know much about me. I don't really confide in very many people at all these days. There are surface things I'll tell, I went to the hospital yadda yadda, studying for finals blah blah blah. Hopes and dreams, not so much. What makes me hurt inside, definitely not. Disappointments and fears, barely even my sister hears about these things.

 

I know why, its part of those layers of protection. People can't hurt you if they don't know what hurts. They can't get under your skin when there's nothing they can throw at you. I think the other part of it is that it makes it too real. Voicing a disappointment or fear makes it a reality, you own it. If you don't speak it out loud, it doesn't have to be there.

 

Mostly I just know what it feels like to have something deep and dark come back to haunt you. I've felt the raw pain that comes from a knife lodged between the shoulders.

 

So I apologize to those of you who read this and know who I am, but don't know WHO I am. A reader recently contacted me to say that they enjoyed my blog but they wanted more of me in it…I'm sorry to you, reader. I just can't give that right now.