I find myself dealing with a bit of grief this year. 2009 seems to be a really rough year for me. I know I'm not the only one with a rough year, so please don't take this as me complaining or otherwise downplaying other losses and such, but there seems to be a lot piling on me this year.
The economy is in a slump, I am in a slump, stressed over moving, Dad is ill, money is tight, time is slipping away from me. Its rough.
However, as I look on this year, and struggle through it...can't believe its only half over...I think back on some of the grief and sometimes I little bit of grief is good. I certainly find myself looking forward to better days and looking back on better days and that's been pulling me through all of this mess. Better days. Without grief, would I even know that such days exist? I don't think its possible to TRULY appreciate what you have had or will have without truly experiencing times when you have nothing.
I've had some of the most amazing times this year. Some of the most amazing conversations. I've buried some things that needed burying and dug up some things that needed dug up. I've laughed through tears and cried with laughter. Music has touched my soul in ways not possible if I were not physically aching with grief.
The reality that I don't have much longer with some people that I love dearly, heart wrenching. Physically agonizing. Psychologically agonizing. Yet strangely, good. I'm reminded that each day I have with everyone I love, even days spent in anger, are days spent....days...spent....with someone I love. We should all be so lucky...we should all be so lucky.