22 April 2014


In one breath we say "You can't judge a book by its cover" and then in the next we'll say "You never get another chance to make a first impression". While both statements have merit, they contradict each other.

As people, we are quick to judge other people we come in contact with, often without knowing anything about them at all. The person you think looks scruffy on the street may have been sitting bedside by a dying person and not had the chance to shower yet. Or maybe they worked a long shift and are headed home to shower...or they could have woken up that day and said "I don't feel like taking a shower today" and headed off because they don't expect to be judged by their appearance.

Yet we all judge by appearance....without knowing the background story or even if there IS a background story. Maybe that person you just met is quiet because they have social anxiety, or maybe they just got really bad news, or maybe they are in pain, or maybe they're introverted, or maybe they just don't have anything to say at the moment.

You can't know a person until you take the time to get to know them. Really get to know them. It is more than first impressions, more than what you've heard about them, it is taking an interest in what they have to say and how they say it. Ask them questions, watch how they act when they think nobody is looking.

If you don't take the time to understand a person, truly get to know them, you are doing them a disservice and yourself. You are only looking at your perspective and perception of what is going on with them, and not taking the time to find out if what you are assuming about them is true.

When you don't take the time to get to know someone, you could be missing out on an amazing connection. It is true, you could get to know them and absolutely hate them, and that is okay, but to instantly judge and dislike someone you don't even know causes you to miss out.

That person will continue on, making friends, having relationships, being a member of a family, without you. You may carry on without them, but you may be missing out on the opportunity to make a good friend, have an amazing relationship, or enjoy a great family member.

Be open to new people, they may come in an completely mess you up, but they may come in and completely amaze you. Isn't it worth the risk?

13 April 2014

Let it go

The one thing I truly suck at is letting shit go. I am always searching for the solution, resolution, or answer why. I don't know why I can't I just can't let it go.

It causes problems for me, my constant cycle of searching for answers to things that sometimes have no answers...people get tired of hearing about it and want me to just move on but I can't.

So I search and lose people in my life because it is exhausting watching me obsess over something and not move on.

I am committed to dropping shit I can't control and can't change.

I'm tired...tired of dragging along shit that weighs me down and keeps me stuck in a rut that doesn't help me.

Moving on. Harder than it sounds.

11 April 2014

Not perfect but I'm perfectly me

Perfection in human beings is not possible. We cannot be perfect. We will make mistakes and we will learn important lessons from those mistakes. When people cannot accept those mistakes and love us anyway, they fail to return what we are giving them. (If we are giving them that kind of love and acceptance)

Loving someone isn't loving them because they are perfect, it is loving them because they aren't.

When I truly love someone, I find their imperfections acceptable. Yeah, I get irritated, just like anyone else (because I'm not perfect bitches) but the good outweighs the bad and even on days when it doesn't, I make the CHOICE to love that person anyway.

This is why I have the 18 month rule. If I'm not going to remember why I was pissed and still be pissed 18 months from now, it is rarely worth getting pissed over today. (Yes sometimes I fail to apply that rule, lol)

I'm not perfect. I don't want to be. That's too much pressure. Sometimes it is nice to just be balls to the wall crazy (not psychotic crazy, like a kid on cake crazy) it is nice to say something so completely inappropriate you laugh hysterically at the idea of it coming out of your mouth.

But when it is especially nice to not be perfect is when I can show weakness and vulnerability. When I can curl up in my closet and lose my shit over the shitty week I've had and the voice on the other side of the phone is telling me all the ways I can get through this...and all the ways I already have. When I can break down and have someone else pick me up.

That is when I am reminded that I don't have to be perfect. There truly are people out there who will love and support me regardless of the gap in my teeth, the blood clot in my chest, and the fact that I'm not 150 pounds. People who don't mind that I cry sometimes for no flipping reason and lose my temper because I got cut off in traffic. People who don't expect perfection from me because they know they aren't perfect themselves.

I am not perfect. I don't want to be. I am perfectly me though. I am kind and gentle and caring and beyond generous. I am fearful and insecure and have a trigger temper. I will be dramatic and whiny when I'm sick (and sometimes when I'm not). I'm okay with that. If you're not...you know where the door is honey.

Be gentle. Be kind. Belong. Be forgiving. Be imperfect :)

01 April 2014

Letting go

Sometimes there is nothing harder than letting go. We are born into families that are not always healthy and are not always supportive but we are raised to love our family and put them first in our life. To turn our backs on that is a betrayal of our blood and in some families, to turn your back on your family is a sin.

While it is true that sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most, it doesn't have to be. We don't have to be jealous and mean and cruel. Sometimes loving someone is a choice made deliberately despite being angry or hurt.

Sometimes we get to the point where loving that family member means not loving ourselves. It means allowing ourselves to be caught in a constant cycle of abuse that only ends when we love ourselves enough to say enough.  Sometimes you can't love someone enough without not loving yourself enough.

When that happens, it can't be a healthy relationship because only one person is being allowed to be authentic.

Then a choice has to be made...lose yourself or save yourself.
This week I'm saving myself. I can't love my family enough to make them love me back. I can't stop being the person they force me to be. I can't love myself and them at the same time because they don't want me to be lovable. They want me to be bitter and angry and miserable.

I'm not that person. So it is time. Time for someone in my life to finally stand up for me and say enough...and that person has to be me because there is nobody else willing or able to do it for me.

So today I am letting go...and moving on. I'm sad and so very sorry that I can't bring them with me but they don't want to come along and that is their choice.

Be gentle my people. Be kind. Be loving. Belong...and be willing to let go.