28 December 2013


What does it mean...this word "Character"? We have all heard someone say "Oh he's a real character" what does that mean? What does it mean to have good character, or bad character?

To me (and let's face it, this blog is about me bitches) character is about how you present yourself, the entirety of your personality added into the social constructs you choose to participate in and even includes social constructs you choose NOT to participate in...

Well that was awful wordy and didn't say a thing!

Okay so let's distill it a little bit...

Character is what you show to the world when you're out there doing what it is you do when you do what you do (or do not do).

I try to have good character...integrity, honesty, caring, compassion, generosity, forgiveness, the whole nine. At the same time, I cuss like a trucker, burp like a dude (gender stereotypes free of charge), and think practically everything in my life is hilarious. I don't always succeed. Sometimes I downright fail and sometimes I fail on purpose.

Lately, my character has come into question. Quite frequently. Actually much more frequently than I care to even admit. It has been hard...very hard.

Recently someone came into my life who systematically attempted to destroy it. By destroy it I mean, she attempted to bring me down in ways that are unimaginable. She alienated me from my friends and family, violated my trust, stole from my bank account, lied about everything, and then tried to get me fired from my job.

I'm still recouping. Obviously. In the aftermath of this, I am reminded of how important character is, namely, good character. Even still, I'm being accused of terrible things by a noted liar, thief, and con.

The sad part...

Some of them are true.

So I've cried, I've raged, I've cried some more, and raged some more. I've put her in jail, and attempted to survive the destruction she has left behind. I have picked up, moved on, and attempted to glue back together my shattered life.

While doing this I have attempted to learn what there is to be learned from this. The betrayal, the hurt, the lies, the destroyed trust...there must be meaning in it, and I REFUSE to have that meaning be "don't trust anyone" so what do I need to learn....

What I am choosing to learn from this is how important character is...the knowledge that I am not the person she tried to make me be. That I am not guilty of everything she accused me of...and the desire to make myself not guilty of the things she accused me of that were true.

Each day, I get up, and remember to breathe in, and breathe out. Remember that this too shall pass and that I've been through worse and survived...and then I remember that my integrity is still in tact, my daughter is fine, I am alive, and healthy. I am able to love and be loved in return. I will trust again, and I already have. I will have to strive to be better...every day. Some day I will arrive :)

This is my life. Characters welcome :) (Good characters only please, the part of the evil witch has already been cast, lol)

Also, shout out to Christie :P