15 February 2011

One week

It has been a week since surgery and I am feeling really good...everything is healing well and I was able to return to school today...which is fantastic.

I ended up getting fired for getting surgery, but it wasn't a surprise. They told me at the beginning they couldn't/wouldn't accommodate the leave request and in the end, they didn't.

At the end of the day, it is truly for the best. My workload was way too high and my family was paying the price for it. Now I can relax a bit more and focus on getting through school. Of course I'll still be submitting my resume for jobs, but at least now I can take a break while I job hunt.

In other news, today is Valentine's day which is also my anniversary.

It is weird, I had a dream about my ex awhile ago and in it, we were discussing the end of our relationship. At one point, he turned to me and said "When did you stop loving me?" I replied "I never did, I just stopped trusting you."

When I woke up, it hit me how true that was. I really do still love my ex, I care about his well being and happiness as I would any other member of my family...I just don't trust him.

I felt better then...that I had answered that question for myself I guess.

I feel more prepared to actually make him my ex but he says he is still not ready. I would like my old name back...

I still feel like I'm not doing this whole parenting thing very well...my friends assure me that this feeling passes in about 20 years LOL.