The hardest job I've ever had is being a mom

I can't get this right. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and honestly I am tossed between feeling like a complete jackass and feeling like I'm doing a halfway decent job.

Between having class and internship and working full time, it is almost impossible to schedule time with my child and I know it is having a negative impact and I can't change it. I feel like a jerk begging her to be patient and wait and telling her that this will be over soon....she didn't ask me to go back to school, she didn't ask me to take this job, she isn't in control of any of this.

Is it too much to ask of her? Definitely. It isn't fair to an 11 yr old that her mom isn't home most of the time.

I wish people had been more honest with me. I wish people would stop saying "I understand" and actually understand.

I wish I had been more honest with myself.

I hope one day she forgives me.

Upcoming Surgery

So I'm having surgery soon and if I said I'm not nervous that would be a big fat lie... but I have found a website that is very helpful. I'm pretty much checking it each day reading lists of Do's and Do not's, checking on how other people have fared from surgery similar to mine and all of the other information available on this website.

Thought I should share this with you guys here so you can keep it in mind if you ever need support!

Hysterectomy Support

Loss of Intelligence

So today's funny:

I was at the doctor's office going over my options for treatment. My doctor recommended we dispense with the dramatic attempts to save my uterus and go for the hysterectomy to end the problems with the least amount of risk of requiring further surgery.

So while she's describing what will happen and how the procedure works, etc...she states "We're going to do whatever we can to keep the ovaries in there. That way you won't have to take HRT and you won't become a man."

My reply: "Awesome, I don't know if I could take the hit to my intelligence"

Doctor....long pause... "Oh! hahahaha it took me a minute to get that"

;)

Life is funny

Every day there are hilarious things that happen to me and I'm going to post those things here. You may find them funny, you may not, but I do :)

Today's funny:

My friend and I were at a friend's house to meet her new doggie. She has adorable children. They were playing Mario Kart with my friend and my friend was losing. The younger child, a boy (6), paused the game and came over to my friend and very seriously said "You're going to have to go faster if you want to win this."

Owned.

Happy New Year

Well it is a new year again. Is it just me or does it seem like these years go faster?

This is my last semester of grad school, I graduate in May. I'm excited to be done but this experience has been nothing like I expected it to be.

I half hope this year is better than 2010....2010 started out great, I was doing okay, the business was increasing again, things were looking up, lived in a great community, etc. It seems like it sort of hit the fan in August/September and went sharply downhill from there.

I've learned a lot, I've laughed a lot, I've cried more than I wanted or needed to, and I've loved a ton...so I guess it isn't too bad all things said and done.

I hope 2011 brings more laughter, more love, and more learning. I could use a little less tears :)