26 January 2011

The hardest job I've ever had is being a mom

I can't get this right. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and honestly I am tossed between feeling like a complete jackass and feeling like I'm doing a halfway decent job.

Between having class and internship and working full time, it is almost impossible to schedule time with my child and I know it is having a negative impact and I can't change it. I feel like a jerk begging her to be patient and wait and telling her that this will be over soon....she didn't ask me to go back to school, she didn't ask me to take this job, she isn't in control of any of this.

Is it too much to ask of her? Definitely. It isn't fair to an 11 yr old that her mom isn't home most of the time.

I wish people had been more honest with me. I wish people would stop saying "I understand" and actually understand.

I wish I had been more honest with myself.

I hope one day she forgives me.

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