01 April 2014

Letting go

Sometimes there is nothing harder than letting go. We are born into families that are not always healthy and are not always supportive but we are raised to love our family and put them first in our life. To turn our backs on that is a betrayal of our blood and in some families, to turn your back on your family is a sin.

While it is true that sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most, it doesn't have to be. We don't have to be jealous and mean and cruel. Sometimes loving someone is a choice made deliberately despite being angry or hurt.

Sometimes we get to the point where loving that family member means not loving ourselves. It means allowing ourselves to be caught in a constant cycle of abuse that only ends when we love ourselves enough to say enough.  Sometimes you can't love someone enough without not loving yourself enough.

When that happens, it can't be a healthy relationship because only one person is being allowed to be authentic.

Then a choice has to be made...lose yourself or save yourself.
This week I'm saving myself. I can't love my family enough to make them love me back. I can't stop being the person they force me to be. I can't love myself and them at the same time because they don't want me to be lovable. They want me to be bitter and angry and miserable.

I'm not that person. So it is time. Time for someone in my life to finally stand up for me and say enough...and that person has to be me because there is nobody else willing or able to do it for me.

So today I am letting go...and moving on. I'm sad and so very sorry that I can't bring them with me but they don't want to come along and that is their choice.

Be gentle my people. Be kind. Be loving. Belong...and be willing to let go.

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